I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we made out on top of his cat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
