I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
