I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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