i just sent this text using only my big toe
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
