rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
