I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
