4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
