Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize