My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
