Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm really into asian looking animals
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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