she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
