Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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