wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
