Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
wow bdsm is so cute
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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