Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
