That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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