i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the raccoons are back...
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