great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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