So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
