You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
