My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
