Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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