epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
