How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
