I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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