my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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