WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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