you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
