My hand turned me down
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
