explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
