just tell him i said nine months
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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