I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
