I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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