I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
