Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
