I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
