I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
