Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
