i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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