i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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