I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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