I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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