well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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