I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
