she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
