I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
