I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
