And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
