She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
