Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
