mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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