I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
