It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
