Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
