Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
